How Motherhood Changes Us http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com Tue, 14 May 2013 14:20:40 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 Copyright © How Motherhood Changes Us 2012 liisa.ogburn@duke.edu (How Motherhood Changes Us) liisa.ogburn@duke.edu (How Motherhood Changes Us) 1440 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/powered_by_podpress.jpg How Motherhood Changes Us http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com 144 144 How Motherhood Changes Us How Motherhood Changes Us liisa.ogburn@duke.edu no no [As a behavioral neuroscientist, I know that] The problem-solving associated with having children enriches your brain. You’re doing things you would not have been doing before. You’re active. You’re engaged. This is what we’re all about. This is why we’re here. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kelly/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kelly/#comments Tue, 14 May 2013 14:20:40 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=780 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kelly/feed/ 0 I used to think that my epitaph would say, “Margaret Emily Friedrich, 1952-until fill in the date. I’m fine, thank you.” Recently, I have changed it to “She did the best she could.” Because honestly, that’s all we can do… http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/molly/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/molly/#comments Thu, 09 May 2013 21:10:20 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=768 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/molly/feed/ 0 In 2008, at the Beijing Olympics, all of these kids were getting ready to swim. They were thinking that this moment would be the most important thing that would ever happen to them. But, in my world, as the only mother swimming in the Olympics, I knew that having my daughter was the most important thing. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/dara/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/dara/#comments Mon, 06 May 2013 19:27:57 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=763 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/dara/feed/ 0 Then I heard a voice–maybe my own–say “what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be the person that can deal with this? Or do you want to be the person who [can't]?” I decided I wanted to be the person who could. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/liz/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/liz/#comments Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:28:27 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=755 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/liz/feed/ 0 If I had to give my daughters one piece of advice as they enter adulthood, I would say “Just because something seems hard and other people perceive it as a big stretch for you, that doesn’t mean that you should not keep reaching for it.” http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kj/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kj/#comments Tue, 23 Apr 2013 15:10:55 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=752 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kj/feed/ 0 If I had known everything that was going to happen, my life may have been very different, but the best thing that happened was that I was so busy working and being a mom and kind of just living in life’s moments that there wasn’t time to panic. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amie/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amie/#comments Fri, 12 Apr 2013 15:38:37 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=744 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amie/feed/ 0 Now I want so much to be understood by my kids. I wonder, “Do you get it? Do you see why I made these choices? Do I ever get to grow up, or do I always stay that limited ‘mom’?” http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/alexa/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/alexa/#comments Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:31:10 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=727 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/alexa/feed/ 0 You have to give up control. You may never know what the arc of their lives will look like. They may peak long after you’re gone. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/lisab/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/lisab/#comments Mon, 08 Apr 2013 14:49:31 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=717 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/lisab/feed/ 0 There wasn’t a particular moment that I can remember thinking, “oh, my son is asking for a dress.” It was just more gradually that we realized that he was attracted to girls’ clothes and that it wasn’t a passing phase. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/joy/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/joy/#comments Wed, 13 Mar 2013 18:23:51 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=710 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/joy/feed/ 0 I had all three of my children in the Netherlands. The difference between having a baby there versus here is night and day. We’re just crazy-making here in the U.S. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/mariepier/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/mariepier/#comments Fri, 08 Mar 2013 03:25:33 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=705 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/mariepier/feed/ 0 You will lose it sometimes. And that’s ok. You won’t be the first or last mother to say, “I can’t do this…” http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/michelle/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/michelle/#comments Thu, 07 Mar 2013 02:07:27 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=698 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/michelle/feed/ 1 In the end, on my death bed, who cares if I built five more buildings? It’s really my experiences, my relationships and my family that will mean the most to me. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tina/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tina/#comments Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:26:46 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=690 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tina/feed/ 1 I don’t feel the same pressure to do as well with my academics in order to make sure that I become a tenured professor. I realize that following these more personal goals have an incredible value, too. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amanda/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amanda/#comments Sat, 02 Mar 2013 13:50:30 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=686 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/amanda/feed/ 0 The other morning I was thinking to myself I have literally lived half my life in fear. I think that that’s what you open yourself up to when you have children. You never really sleep that well again. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/debra/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/debra/#comments Mon, 25 Feb 2013 21:51:39 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=646 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/debra/feed/ 0 Sometimes when we hear about women who are in abusive marriages, we think, “Why the hell did she stay with him?” My own experiences have taught me that we just can’t judge that. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/r/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/r/#comments Thu, 21 Feb 2013 03:50:59 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=604 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/r/feed/ 1 I feel like my life has taught me over and over and over and over again that we just don’t know the end of the story. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/jenny/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/jenny/#comments Thu, 17 Jan 2013 03:38:33 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=595 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/jenny/feed/ 3 I want desperately to be able to say to you, “He’s my greatest teacher, and it’s so humbling, and I’ve learned so much,” and I expect to get to the end of my life or his and be able to say that, but right now I can’t. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/susan/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/susan/#comments Sun, 13 Jan 2013 20:27:11 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=531 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/susan/feed/ 24 I mean, nobody hands you a baby and says, “Get ready, because in 15 years, he’s going to start using drugs and you’re going to have to handle it.” http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherineb/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherineb/#comments Fri, 14 Dec 2012 16:17:41 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=589 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherineb/feed/ 0 There came a point where I just got tired of being sad all the time. I wanted to be a mom, and I didn’t care anymore how it happened. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/t/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/t/#comments Mon, 26 Nov 2012 21:59:01 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=567 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/t/feed/ 0 The most important thing I tell [others going through this] is “Love your baby. This is the moment. It is essential that you love that child as much as you can while the child is here–both for the child’s sake and afterwards for your own.” http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/monica/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/monica/#comments Sun, 18 Nov 2012 22:58:48 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=547 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/monica/feed/ 1 I think motherhood makes you shed some layers to get down to what’s really important. At the core, I am the same, but there is a little more of the core shining through. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/carrington/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/carrington/#comments Fri, 16 Nov 2012 13:49:44 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=543 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/carrington/feed/ 1 I’m just thankful to be alive and to get to enjoy my daughter. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kerri/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kerri/#comments Tue, 06 Nov 2012 22:00:23 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=525 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/kerri/feed/ 5 I was in high school when I became pregnant. I was a straight-A student, in AP classes, in track and band, but that all changed when she came. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/delsey-2/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/delsey-2/#comments Sun, 14 Oct 2012 19:19:20 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=515 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/delsey-2/feed/ 0 I see my mother very differently. I see how little I thought about what she was going through. I have a lot more respect for everything that she’s done. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherine/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherine/#comments Fri, 12 Oct 2012 02:58:55 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=505 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/katherine/feed/ 0 All the caregivers in the orphanage hugged her goodbye and were crying. Then she grabbed my aunt’s hand and walked out. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/anju/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/anju/#comments Wed, 10 Oct 2012 20:47:17 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=500 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/anju/feed/ 0 Don’t forget to grieve the infertility. If you don’t recognize the grief, it will be there for the rest of your life. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/laura/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/laura/#comments Tue, 09 Oct 2012 18:29:48 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=495 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/laura/feed/ 0 Advice? Don’t get too caught up in struggling with how things should be, because they just are. http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/maryr/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/maryr/#comments Sun, 07 Oct 2012 00:05:19 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=472 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/maryr/feed/ 0 Submit a Picture! http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/submit-a-picture/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/submit-a-picture/#comments Wed, 03 Oct 2012 13:37:23 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=481 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/submit-a-picture/feed/ 0 Exhibit at Duke http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/work-on-exhibit-at-duke/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/work-on-exhibit-at-duke/#comments Wed, 03 Oct 2012 13:28:31 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=440 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/work-on-exhibit-at-duke/feed/ 0 Tough Times, Love and Luck http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tough-times-love-and-luck/ http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tough-times-love-and-luck/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2012 01:52:01 +0000 admin http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/?p=432 http://www.howmotherhoodchangesus.com/tough-times-love-and-luck/feed/ 0